Thursday, February 3, 2011

A much needed poem

I was given this poem today by my midwife, it is beautiful and one that I would have never thought would be applicable to me, not in a million years...

Just Those Few Weeks by Susan Erling

For those few weeks-
I had you to myself.
And that seems too short a time
to be changed so profoundly.

In those few weeks-
I came to know you...
and to love you.
You came to trust me with your life.
Oh, what a life I had planned for you!

Just those few weeks-
When I lost you.
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams, and aspirations...
A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.

Just those few weeks-
And no "normal" person would cry all night
over a tiny, unfinished baby, o
or get depressed and withdraw day after endless day.
No one would, so why am I?

You were those few weeks my little one
you darted in and out of my life too quickly.
But it seems that's all the time you needed
to make my life so much richer
and give me a small glimpse of eternity.



Well, if you hadn't figured it out by now, I am currently...according to what the midwife said..."in a middle of a miscarriage..."
I don't really know what I am feeling right now, a lot of grief. I feel like this has all been a bad dream, I feel like I am just waiting for my to wake up and this will all be the worst nightmare all pregnant women fear. I am feeling like maybe I shouldn't even post this on my blog, because I haven't even made an official announcement that I was pregnant. I feel silly being so sad, crying over something that hardly was even there... I am not angry, I am not wondering why, I am just sad over a life that wont be. I am sad that my husband isn't here, so I can hold him and he hold me through this process...this was his baby too. I know that I am loved, I know that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me and for this family...

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Updates!

Sorry no pictures this time, but I thought I would finally give an update as to what is going on with the Martinsons! Erik starts his new job on Wednesday. He actually leaves tomorrow night and takes a bus down to Pheonix, AZ...he will be gone for 2 weeks, home for a day or two and then gone for another 2 weeks.
Here is the story of how we came to decide on trucking.... Erik was able to get into the training program at Deseret Industries and through them they give him the opportunity to get a technical degree or certificate or some kind to help get a "real" job. Well, after much thought and prayer he opted to get his Commerical Drivers License...it was the best option with the best possibility for a job after training. Let me just tell you, I wasn't so keen on long-haul trucking where he would be gone for 2 weeks and home for a day and then gone again... only seeing my husband for 2 days of the months just wasn't what I had invisioned....and I really really don't want to be a single mom most of the time. But it was where my husband felt like he could do the best and get into a solid job.
So he gets his CDL, he applies for long haul trucking companies because there are no local positions available here, and what ever ones he did look at required a couple years of over the road trucking. He gets hired on with Werner Trucking, but they assured him that they do have local routes where he could be home everynight...or at least a couple nights a week. BUT he has to go through the 4 weeks of over-the-road training. I honestly don't know why this is the "path" that has opened up for us, it certainly wasn't what we had expected...but when the Lord gives you hand, you certainly don't slap it away and tell him it's not good enough or not what I wanted. So here we are, getting ready for him to be gone, and really really praying that a local route opens up as soon as possible. We are hopeful that the right opportunties will continue to open up for us....POSSIBLY even jobs back up in Washington (please please please we are asking for your prayers that the right position will open up for us, so we can be where the Lord wants us) (is it bad to say that I hope the Lord doesn't want us in Orem, UT??)
That is the latest news with us....for now. I promise to update more often then I have been doing.
I also wanted to say how much I miss my friends and family up there in Ferndale WA, I know that most of you don't even read this blog, but I have been feeling more and more sad about leaving and missing all of you so much. I remember 4 years ago, when we moved up there....lets just say my attitude sucked about moving up to tim-buk-too...It was one of those I know thats where the Lord wanted and needed us to be, but I certainly did NOT want to be there. Let me tell you, I felt so much love and acceptance from all of you. The friendships that were formed up there are life-time friendships. I miss you guys terribly. I miss the ward terribly....its true what they say....The gospel is more true in the Ferndale First Ward!!! I miss you guys and love you so much!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Christmas Tree

Well, we said goodbye to our house guests early sunday morning...like 12:30am...we were sad to see them leave. We went to bed and there was no snow on the ground, then we wake up and there is 6 inches or so on the ground, so we were all in the mood to get our christmas decorations up...Erik helped by bringing all the stuff from the cold and I got the tree up! I LOVE putting up my tree every year, and of course, I didn't think of getting pics up of the kids helping...but it got done!!! Merry Christmas!











Thanksgiving continued

Here are some more pictures of the weekend.





















Thanksgiving













I know it has been a very long time since I posted anything... no excuses...just don't get around to posting anything very often. This year for Thanksgiving we had the opportunity to have the in-laws and Jen and Phillip come down. They didn't get to stay long, but it was so good to see family and friends. We had a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's house, and then we got to take Jennifer and Phillip up to Temple Square to see the lights and meet up with the missionaries that taught Jen and Phillip the discussions...the Showalters. It was a lot of fun, we rode the Trax all the way to Temple Square, walked around....FROZE! We watched the Joseph Smith movie at the Legacy Theater, (i was really worried about the kids and how they would do, but my prayers were answered and they sat through it like a dream...and I might add, it was very powerful and my testimony was strenghtened about the truthfulness of the gospel and the kind of man Joseph Smith was) It was a successfull family outing, the kids were sooooo good, no running away, they listened and obeyed. They loved the lights and even the cold, but especially the "train" ride to and from.


















Thursday, September 9, 2010

Some pics of the kids


That one of Isaac needs no explantion!







Ellie's first day of school!



Changes

I know that I don't have very many followers, if any at all... but I thought that I would just give you all an update. Our family moved to Utah at the beginning of August and it has been bittersweet. We love being close to family and cousins, and living with Grandma is just great for the kids. On the other hand, we terribly miss Washington and all of our dear friends and family. We miss our neighbors and even our little blue apartment.

To be honest, I didn't think that it would be that difficult coming back to where I grew up, but as many of you know who have been outside of the "utah bubble" for any amount of time, it was complete cultural shock for me. I am still trying to get used to it, but honestly I don't think I want to. That is all that I will say about that!

As for an update on the family...Ellie started kindergarten a few weeks ago, she gets to go half days, and she does love her teacher and she has made a few friends...but to be honest, it has been more difficult for her to meet friends than I had expected. We are hopeful that she meets lots more as she becomes more comfortable. Her favorite thing about school....recess...2 times during the 4 hours she is there! I am a little scared that her speech therapy is holding her back, and making it a little difficult for her friends and teachers to really understand her. She is still in speech therapy, but over the summer her old habits have kinds creeped back, even though we did try and keep on top of her speech.

Isaac....I really wish that I could just laugh it off and just say he is being a BOY, because he is. But just today...his being a 'just a boy' cost us hundreds of dollars in damage. I was at work this morning, just helping my brother out, Erik was home with the boys. I get a phone call, Erik was frantic. He had gotten in the shower and was in there for less than 10 minutes. He gets out and sees a squirt gun on the floor in front of the flat screen TV...no picture on the tv, but the sound works. Isaac has squired that TV and completly soaked it, frying the picture. Then Erik proceeds to go upstairs and finds a sharp knife on the floor, thinking to himself..."thats dangerous..." he picks it up and then sits down on the couch...he then sees stab marks all over the leather couches...both of them, not just one or two slices....but all over the seats in both couches. These are my mother's couches people.....I was sick to my stomach when I heard this. Well, Erik was so upset and frantic, not knowing what to do with Isaac, that he forgets to pick up Ellie from school, so he gets a phone call from the office...how embarrassing, I just had pulled up from work, when I get the news, so I had to go pick up Ellie from the office 20 minutes late. I want to say that I handled Isaac with love and patience today, but I didn't. I was upset and he knew it. I want to say that I have patience...I DO NOT. Lets just say it was early bed time for the kids today, and we are just asking for your prayers that things are better tomorrow. On the other hand, Isaac is sweet heart, he did apologize and tell us he loves us. He is sweet with his baby brother and loves to play with him... and they do keep each other entertained, but both of them do miss their sissy when she is gone.

Spencer is walking around everywhere! He is so funny, can keep up with his siblings and cousins, goes everywhere, does everything they do. He is a hoot to just watch and see what he is gonna figure out next. He is still speaking in grunts, which just adds to the humor of Spence!

Erik was able to get into the training program at the DI. He will be doing some security training as well as some other marketable training, to hopefully get him more employable. He did have an interview back up in Washington a few weeks ago, for a corrections deputy. He hasn't heard anything back from them, but we are keeping our fingers crossed. We really would love to be back up in Washington, even if it is on the Eastern part of the State. Your prayers would greatly be appreciated in that manner as well!

Allia, well I am holding in there, really hoping and praying that this difficult part of parenting passes, and that I can find some inner peace throughout all this. I do love being a mom, and everything that comes with it. And honestly, if asked...would you have another baby?...my answer would be a resounding Yes! (no I am not making any announcement...but someday, maybe!) I am working really really part time for my brother, doing wedding stuff! Its a lot of fun to get out every couple of weekends and use my creative brain on something other than playdough and painting pictures. I am really really trying hard to "bloom where I am planted" and through prayer and scripture study, and going to the temple...since we now have one 20 minutes in every direction from us...its coming along. I know the Lord has a plan for our family and for me personally. I do have a sense of peace that things are going to work out.


Alright, this has been a lengthy enough post...until next time!